Erd's Words

The Goodest Gooddog

2008-08-28T11:59:00.000-07:00

We said goodbye to a dear friend of our family today. The Spaz was put down this morning. He was still a happy dog, constantly wagging his tail when you came near him (thump, thump, thump), but he rarely left his pillow anymore and had a hard time hold his bowls. It was very sad for us to see him go. Watching him slip away on the Vet's floor was very difficult but necessary.
My favorite memory of Spazzy will always be watching his head in the water, following the canoe on Loveless Lake (his lake). A small wake would reflect the moonlight as he chased us to the other side. We would be forced to turn the canoe around to guide him home or wait for him at the cabin let him inside, all wet and smelly.
Spaz will live on with us as one of the greatest dogs of all time. The legends of Sissy and Spaz now compete for the true title of "The Goodest Gooddog."
I miss you already, friend.
p.s. I put up some of my favorite photos of the Spaz on my photo page. Check out the My Picasa photos link to view them.

Terra Firma

2008-07-13T04:49:00.000-07:00

I am finally home again. I am not settled by any account and the jet lag has Erin and I both beat senseless. But the sound of the leaves blowing in the wind and a certain demanding two year old have all wounds on the mend. We had a great time in Japan thanks to our great friend Satoko Yamaguchi and her generous boyfriend Laurent. We will soon be putting up some pictures of our trip and filling you in on some of the more gruesome (and some of them are gruesome) details.
In the meantime thanks for all the support, it feels great to be home. I hope to get to see everyone as soon as possible. There is a lot planned for the summer but always time for more fun. If you want to call or email for a chance to say hi or to set up some beer drinking fun, please do.
Thanks again to everyone for everything,
Cliff

I am just not sure yet

2008-06-20T09:55:00.000-07:00

I have been warned by my good friend against public blood letting on the internet, so I will do the best I can to refrain from direct criticism of anyone or any organization here. However, I must admit I feel a bit slighted in this whole deal. There is a lot of talk in war about honor and duty, but those concepts are hard to find in anything other than individuals and their personal actions. These soldiers here are doing incredible things and making sacrifices that I cannot begin to understand. We surround these men and women with organizations and individuals who are driven only by dollar signs yet use patriotism and honor as tools to insulate and enhance their power. I have been an integral part of this system and contributed willingly to propagating it; for that I am ashamed. I am still far too close to these events to draw useful information from it. I will, in the coming months, try to draw out the lessons I have learned here and use them in a positive way.
I compare myself to Bob Cratchet some days. It is a bit of a stretch, I know, but short of the honor Dickens attributed to his character, I feel we have our parallels. Particularly, I think about Christmas dinner at the Cratchet house, when Bob offers a toast to Mr. Scrooge. There are two forces at play here, and we need to be careful about being overly judgmental about either. On one side there is the force of money and how that is by definition not "free." We are not entitled to any job or the benefits that come with that job. We need to be thankful that someone is willing to pay us for our time and effort; we need to realize that we have agreed to do this and that agreement does not entitle us but rather obligates us. The other side of that force is control and abuse of power. It is why so many cultures denounce the existence of slavery and prostitution; these are abuses of money and power that go beyond what is humane. Now I am not claiming to have been treated inhumanely but, I do feel a bit like I have prostituted myself. I am not sure if I have violated my own morale compass or not. If I have, then I sold it pretty cheaply.
Moving on from this world I look forward to change. I have heard on occasion and often thought of using your morales to find a career. I have to do some soul searching now to find out what my skills and limitations are and then to seek out a new career where I can feel as if I am positively contributing to society, instead of contributing to its downward spiral. Mostly, I look forward to my girls; seeing them both in the morning and before we all go to bed. I want to show Rosie that we can make choices in our life that benefit us all. And, in doing so we do not sacrifice but rather enhance ourselves.
I hope to spend some time in future posts talking about this war and the lessons I have learned. This is the end now of the roller coaster year but I plan to try to contribute to this blog and transform it into a personal homefront log. I appreciate all of you and your comments, they have been helpful through out the year. I now have a reader base and invite you all to keep reading to learn of new happenings with Rosie, Erin and myself. This will not be exciting, I am sure, but neither has this last year, really. I will probably rant about some of the politics of the last year so if you are interested in that keep on reading. You know what you are in for. I would also like to encourage you all to start your own blogs so we can banter back and forth and share our ideas and lives. I would also like to encourage my fearless brother Archie to re-start his blog, so I can continue to be inspired and captivated by his ideas, please?
So for now, good-bye and I will hopefully see you all soon,
Cliff

Ugh

2008-06-19T19:04:00.000-07:00

I am in Kuwait again. I guess this is good news. But I am worn out and a bit beaten up, mentally. I will fill you all in later but this is just a quick note to let you all know that I will only ever see Iraq again from thousands of feet in the air. I hope to leave here on the 25th to go back to CRC in Georgia then on to Tokyo from there. It is a different plan than I had hoped for but the end result is the same. I will fill in the details later.
Yeah!
Cliff

Mother's Day salute

2008-05-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden I have four extraordinary mothers in my life. I have no idea how I have become this fortunate, but I cannot let this day pass without commending them.
First, of course, is the person I know as Mom. I owe everything to you, Mom. There is not a day that has gone by in my life that I am not reminded in some small way or another how influential you are in my life. Whether it be the cookies I get on a nearly weekly basis, or the way I interact with the people around me or how how I approach the challenges of daily life, I see your signature on the some of the best of my qualities. Thank you, Mom, I love you.
I cannot properly express how wonderful a mother Erin is. She does not accept the praise I give her. I have left her alone to care for Rosemary; I come home to find Rose is every bit of what I hoped she would be. I do not know how to tell you how much I appreciate you as a mother to my daughter. Thank you.
These qualities Erin possesses, are due, of course, to her role model. Lynda, you have raised Erin to be such a wonderful person, I thank you for that. I will never forget the promise I made to you on my wedding day. I also owe you the thanks of a grateful son-in-law; you have accepted me into your family without condition. The more I look around, the more I see that this is not a common thing and for that I am eternally grateful.
Last but certainly not least is you, Brenda. My heart breaks to think of how you have enriched my world. I cannot find the words of gratitude I feel for you. Thank you for being everything I am not.
Happy Mother's Day to everyone!
Cliff

One more time

2008-05-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

Hello again,
I am back in Kuwait. I had a great vacation. I was amazed to find Rosie such a different person than the baby I left even at Thanksgiving. She is constantly talking and singing. She seems to be always happy and never seriously upset, though she is definitely a two year old. Now, let me take this opportunity to say two things: I have the benefit of being a novelty to Rosie so she spends a lot of time trying to charm me (almost like she is courting me, and to my shame I allow it and return the favor with ice cream and chocolate milk like a grandparent spoils a grandchild), secondly Rosemary's charm is truely due to the hard work and parenting skills of her mother and care taker. I am certain that Erin has some disagreement with me here because she gets all of the difficult stuff, but this is what I see. Anyway, we had a great time in Mexico and Rosie and I played away our days at home. We even got a chance to go sledding and to build a snowman (I know there are some out there that believe that storm was my fault, not so).
Kuwait will prove to be a real obsticle this time. There were quite a few sandstorms just before I arrived and that has backed up traffic quite a bit. Erin and I have already started planning our next adventure: Japan. I will have less than two months to go when I finally get in country, WOO-HOO! I have a much lower stress level than my previos visits here and am looking forward to saying goodbye to this place forever.
Well, my computer time is just about up here, so until I get to Iraq, take care and I'll will see you all soon,
Cliff

American Airlines sucks!

2008-04-11T04:46:00.000-07:00

Yep, you guessed it, I am stranded. They managed to lull me into thinking that the flights would be fine. No one once indicated that they could cancel at the last minute, but that is exactly what they did. I was one 45 minute flight from home and I missed the opportunity to go. They said it all looked great so I hopped on board a plane full of irritated passengers and dead-heading flight crews to Dallas from Chicago. When I got to Dallas the big board said "on time" for my flight to Mexico. When I got the gate the sign said delayed half an hour (this is half an hour before take off). I walked away to grab a beer (oh, wonderful beer!) and when I turned around the sign was blank and there was a huge line at the gate. Oh s---t! Check the big board, "canceled." They couldn't tell me that before I got on that airplane. So I stand in line for about an hour with some very irritated people. Apparently, they had all been through this at least once before. They don't say anything, they don't tell you what they think might happen or help you plan ahead even when you give them every opprotunity to help; nope, they just drop the bomb. They don't give the agents any information, either. They just book you on the next flight and say, "Good luck!" Well, I planned some buffer time just for an event like this, I guess. Erin and fam will not be there until Saturday (it is now Friday) and they have me booked out today. We shall see.
I really screwed up this whole plan, I should have just gone home and flown with the family; I have been kicking myself since I boarded that flight in Chicago. I knew it right away. I sat down next to this really nice couple with a a little girl, Abby, who was just a darling and I instantly thought, "Cliff, you are an idiot!" I never should have tried to go any where without my family. I should have gone home first and then it wouldn't matter where we are, at least we are together. So now, I sit in this very nice hotel room with a big bed and my own bathroom and a bar downstairs and cable TV and I can't help but think to myself that it is no better than that tin shack back in the desert. I know I piss and moan about how nasty that place is, but the real matter is what isn't outside the door. You could plop this hotel right over that rat hole I live in and it would be only a marginal improvement. I miss my wife, it's that simple.
Don't fly American Airlines,
Cliff

Sitting here in limbo...

2008-04-08T12:24:00.000-07:00

Come on, sing along all you Dead Heads! OK so that's only Erin, well maybe Chris too. (Hi, Benda!) Ali Al Slem, ah what an incredible place of boredom, dust and frustration. I have spent some pretty miserable days here awaiting transport into Iraq. Now I sit here waiting for my flight out. This is the transportation hub for most all "coalition" soldiers and civilians in and out of theater, including Afghanistan. I sleep in a tent during the day (attempting to stay on schedule with home and work), with ten other contractor and DOD types, on crappy old mattresses that I spend a lot of time trying not to think about. There are no sheets or bedding unless you bring them along. By now, I am prepared for all of this and have opted for this rather than the Kuwaiti "hotel" option. Spending a hundred dollars a night for significant but modest improvements in living conditions just wasn't in me this time. I would rather spend it on the other end where the beer and water have the same effect.
I had trouble getting out of Speicher because of weather and Army bureaucracy, but that is behind me now. In approximately 24 hours I will be even less comfortably sitting on a Boeing 777 headed west. I was going to see about trying to go "space a" out of Kuwait ahead of my reservation but the flight is long and has many layovers, so I chose to to wait it out and be more secure in my travel. I am slightly concerned about the word that United has grounded their entire fleet of 777s for inspections. I am not concerned about safety just that a small delay in my first flight could derail the whole train later on down the track. Oh well, wait and see, I guess.
I'll see you soon, baby!
Cliff

Almost home

2008-03-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

So maybe it wasn't really, really soon, but hey, its here. We are in the middle of a massive dust storm. I don't know if I have described these before so I will give a brief description now.
There is usually a forecast (the Air Force handles the weather forecasting) a few hours in advance. Sometimes the dust accompanies other weather and sometimes it just settles in like a fog. When it blows in there is a strong wind and if it is daylight you can sometimes see it like an approaching wall; it can be like the movies at times. Tonight it rolled in with a strong wind. We were prepared and had the aircraft moved inside before it hit. Our hanger has an open entrance with no door; this allows the outside air to flow freely through. So, if it is hot outside, it is hot inside, if it cold outside, it is cold inside, if it is dusty outside, it is dusty inside. And when I say dusty, I mean dusty, there was about 10feet of visibility. The storm hit about six hours ago and when I just looked at the aircraft, they all had a coating of dust that looked like a cutting board floured (whole wheat) up to roll out a pie crust. The dust stays suspended in the air just like fog on a humid Wisconsin morning. Often times you can look out and think, “Boy, its foggy!” then hold your hand out to an aircraft to draw a line in the moisture and be startled by the dry surface. This suspension creates a lovely breathing atmosphere. It takes all of about a minute to start coughing. Shortly after that you get short of breath and feel that heavy chest feeling you get with a persistent cold. All of this leaves after a day or so and left behind is that rolling board coating over everything. As Corey says, I am definitely going to need a good “nook and cranny” cleaning when I get home.
On the bright side, I am within counting distance of leaving here. I am scheduled out on Friday. We leave here 4 days in advance of our scheduled leave departure date so there is adequate cushion time with the unpredictable weather and only slightly more predictable Army/Kuwaiti bureaucracy. I also scheduled a couple extra days ahead of meeting Erin and family to adjust and sleep prior to our time. On my last leave, I felt hung over for the first few days home as I adjusted. We will be in Mexico for a week and then home for a little more than a week before I come back again. The good news is that by the time I get back here it will be a short two months before I go home for good. If everything works out I will be taking the last three weeks of that off as well, but that will take a small coup on my part. I am not entitled to another leave until 360 days in country, which is essentially the end of contract. So, if it does not work out Erin and I will be home in mid-July.
Well, that is all for now, I hope to write again from the comfort of a Kuwaiti “hotel.”
See you all soon,
Cliff

soon, I promise

2008-03-17T20:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am still here and will try to spit out a few words in the near future. There is nothing to report but I will come up with some drivel for you soon.
Cliff

Snow

2008-01-07T08:26:00.000-08:00

Yep, that's right, snow.
I emerged from my CHU yesterday morning, after my day off, to find a lite dusting of snow. So apparently the Vikes are destined to win the Super Bowl. It has been very cold lately. I will say it again, the weather here is unreal.
Well, I almost got out of here. I can say that now because it is no longer a possibility and I am finally over it. My buddy, Doug, quit as my peer back in Sparta. There was a great deal of hope that this would mean I could return home and our location would no longer be responsible for a position in Iraq. Well, that got the nix from my corporate structure, I love them. But that is passed now.
So now we focus on vacation. Three months to go. Erin has never done the sit on the beach thing so, we are going to Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. My first requirement for my leave time was that Rosie be included. I am not about to spend any real amount of time away from Rose or Erin. Well, that poses a problem if we want to do anything away from home. So we twisted my Mom and Dad's collective arm and they agreed to spend a week in the sun with us. Hopefully, I can get Erin to relax just a little. I am not sure she spends any of her waking moments truly relaxed. After that we'll come home to enjoy the start of spring in Wisconsin, my favorite time of year.
That is three months away. A long time but once there, it is all down hill. I won't be back in country until a few days before May and that leaves just enough time to ramp up and coast to home in July.
I want to say thanks to everyone who sent Holiday wishes. It was a hard time to be away from home but your cards and gifts help bring me home in spirit.
Well, it's time to go. I'll try to come up with something a bit more interesting for next time. Until then,
Take care and I'll see you all soon,
Cliff

Merry Christmas

2007-12-23T16:35:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone!
I hope you all are settling down after a beautiful holiday meal to football game, a card game, present openings, sledding, skiing, hockey, watching the kids wreck there new found toys, or even some liquid holiday cheer enhanced karaoke (save the Kung Foo Fighting for E). Those are some of my favorites. My wish for this Christmas is that you all get to do those things and live in the happiness they bring. Remember to appreciate them.
Here I have a lot of time to reflect on Christmas past. I find myself telling the same thing to people which clues me to tell all of you about it. My Christmas memory.
I remember getting a lot of presents; I love presents and Mom and Dad always made sure we had more than our share. But it is not the gifts I remember, it's Christmas Eve. I love Christmas Eve; of course here it is Christmas Eve. When I think about Christmas what I remember is the glow of candle light on our family dinning table. Mom preparing the most delicate dishes she can imagine for five of the least delicate boys (yes Dad that is you, too) to grace a table. Mom and Dad worked so hard all year long to give us, me, this one moment and it resonated so intensely for me. Erik, Chris, Art and I would laugh and misbehave while Mom tried to culture us and Dad tried to contain our enthusiasm. We would sit at the table and as casually as possible, try to blow at the candles to just within a hair of extinguishing them, without giving away that we were actually blowing at all. Sudden and exasperated sighs would come from the four of us directed coincidentally at the Yule Log in the center of the table. That was quality fun. Then there was the discussion about whether the boys should be allowed to open a present tonight or we should wait until tomorrow. It was a rhetorical question, of course, but one that never ceased to entertain Dad. Then later we would sit in the living room with a fire going and the enormous Christmas Tree lit up like Rockefeller Plaza. I would sit close to Dad and play the perennial game of "Guess the Ornament." What a moment! Then the obligatory cookies and milk for Santa and the struggle to stay awake; why didn't that ever work?
I love that story. I love to think of it now, here in this nasty place. It makes me smile and fills me with happiness. Thank you, Mom and Dad. For that memory and all the rest.
I would be remiss if I did not mention my other Christmas memory. It was only six years ago this weekend that I asked Erin to marry me in a terribly clumsy and unromantic fashion. Didn't stop her from agreeing. Thanks Honey, I love you. I regret that I can't be there to help build those memories for our little girl. This will be a great year for her. She is just starting to understand about the rules to the season.
Well, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. Play a game of QDR for me guys. And mention Daddy to Rosie for me.
I'm off to watch the Vikes play the Skins, Go Vikes!
Love ya',
Cliff
p.s. There are some new and newly added old photos on my picasa page. The link is on the right.

oh well...

2007-11-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

Back again. Just a quick note to let you all know that I finally got back. It was a long trip and a long stay in Kuwait waiting for military transport. But I am back to my tin box in the sand.
I had a wonderful trip home. I am sorry I did not get to visit with everyone, but I believe you understand. It was extraordinarily difficult to come back this time, harder than leaving in the first place. But I am here now and dead tired so off to bed I go. I'll tell you all about it later.
Cliff

Nearly there

2007-11-11T02:35:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,
I am almost home. I can't describe how much better I feel. I know I tend to drone on about how miserable I am , so now I am pleased to report how comfortable, rested and stress-free I am.
We had some stress getting out of ye'ol' COB Speicher, but that is over now. It will make a great discussion for us over that Summit EPA you have waiting for me in your fridge so I will not go into it now. I don't want you to think I am focused only on drinking but my next big decision is what to order on my plane ride, nine short hours from now.
One of the guys at work got a hold of a brochure for this place in Kuwait that caters to guys like us and we got out of Ali Al Saleem (the US airbase in Kuwait) where the food and beds are free. When I say free I mean free from comfort, free from sheets, free from sleep, free from most anything pleasant. So instead we paid a considerable sum of money to have a big fluffy bed, internet, television, food with flavor and the opportunity to remove the sand from our nether regions.
Kuwait is a place that leaves much to be desired. For the richest per capita country (I am quoting a very unreliable source here), it sure is a bore. I have been walking around city streets getting a lot of nasty looks and jumping away from speeding cars, but other than that a lot of sitting on my hinder.
At 00:40 tonight or this morning (however you care to look at it) I will be flying home. Fourteen hours to Dulles Intl., then a few more to Chicago and sit an agonizing 4 hours there to see my sweet, sweet babies. Oh, how I have waited.
I talked to Erin last night (this morning, here) and she says she is getting calls from my loving family to come down to visit. I look forward to seeing everyone, so much. It won't be but a moment, now. I feel at piece now just knowing this.
That said, I will see you all soon,
Cliff

...waiting...

2007-10-28T18:22:00.000-07:00

Hello,
I have been without the internet for some time now. It makes life quite difficult. My communication with home has become strained and that hurts morale. But, carry on!
I am at work now taking a risk of being asked work things. Man alive! I can't describe the stress. I have come to finally accept that I am a high strung individual, but this place is driving me nuts.
Two weeks from this moment I'll be on a plane, thank goodness! My boss is trying to fly out today and he will be gone until I return. That along with everyone I showed up with trying to get home too will make this place a nightmare for the month of November. A good time to be eating turkey, drinking beer, watching football and laughing with family and friends.
My Lead position is huge challenge but one that I cannot back away from without backing all the way out. Would anyone out there think me a coward if I just stayed home? That is a rhetorical question. I guess the real question is what would I think of myself? I will, of course return but that doesn't stop the doubt.
Work is work and this place keeps on. The life here really is something to just get past. These last few weeks have been among the hardest. Time has slowed to a dead stop since I allowed myself to think about going home. I used to concentrate on one week at a time. Just getting to my next day off. Now my days off can e just as much torture. Dodging anything to do with work and now relying on work for my communication. I am sorry, I hate to spend this time complaining. I get to talking to you all and these are the thoughts that come up. I look forward to chatting with you about the weather or the kids or the game. I do smile and laugh here. It just is because I have to in order to stay sane. I can't wait to laugh at things that are actually funny ha-ha, not funny bizzaro.
What has happened that you would find interesting?, hmmm...
Isn't that funny, I can't think of a thing. I sat here for a minute at least and everything that came to mind was crazy ridiculous. Funny, but only in this crazy Iraqi light. Ahhh, it is cold here. Well, not cold but darn chilly sometimes. I wore shorts last night but tonight my fingers are cold typing and I am wearing a sweatshirt and pants. I don't know exactly what the temp is but I would guess high 50's. It will probably get into the 80's today or higher. It will start to rain soon and I hear that is when the weather here is at its worst. Can you imagine that? Worse than 120 in the shade!
Well I have to go before I get stuck here. Love you and miss you all. I can hold my breath for two weeks, see you then,
Cliff

Hello again

2007-10-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a while, hasn't it? I am sorry to say this but, it has been a rough month. My schedule has been changed multiple times this month and that has thrown me off. I have had very little time to myself, not that there is anything to do with free time here.
I don't have much else to add, for now, I just want you all to know things here are okay. Soon I will have a routine again and I hope things will improve then.
I hope to see you all soon,
Cliff

About the new job

2007-09-02T17:04:00.000-07:00

Hello again,
Wow, do I have a lot to tell. It has been a few weeks since I have updated you. I have been extremely busy. I have a short video which may help you understand why. My internet is choppy at best. Some days it's average (slow), some days it's very slow, and some days it's dead. Lately, it has been the latter. So, that complicates my communication. Mostly it is that I am just way too busy.
So, I got promoted to lead. I know how this sounds, but it is not necessarily a good thing. This job has been hanging out there since I arrived. It was suggested several times that I apply for it. I resisted that strongly. There is another lead here, Ralph, who is highly qualified for the job and very much respected among the crew. Being his peer is a difficult chore. Having done some lower management before (Devil's Head and Wild Mountain) I know what to expect, and those expectations have already fulfilled themselves. Only this time instead of 15 to 20 year olds, I am dealing with middle aged experienced mechanics who in some cases know way more about life and/or this airplane than I do. None of this stops them from acting like 15 year olds, however. And then, I have to deal with the guys whom I have been very chummy with. Now, I have to give them direction and discuss them with my superior, a position that has proved very uncomfortable. None of this is new to most of you, nor is it to me, but add this BS to the already existing stress that I have ranted about previously and life begins to get stretched a little too thin. I think it was Frodo who said, “I feel like butter spread over too much bread.”
Well, I got a little off track there. What I wanted to tell you was how I ended up in this job. There are definetly some worthless piles here. Unfortunately, these are the same people who tend to be the biggest self promoters and the ones who get promoted. And the two that I have the most problems with were the only ones up for the job. Well, I can deal with that as long as Ralph is here to temper them. Then comes Ralph's vacation. Instead of taking two short breaks he will go home for one long break right about today (have a nice trip Ralph). My supervisor states in a meeting before Ralph leaves that someone will be asked to fill that job temporarily, receive little for compensation and not have much say in the matter. Well, all of this adds up to: Cliffy, step up.
The good and the bad of it.
Bad:
The pay is miserable. I make less than the parts guy and just slightly more than the mechanics.
I don't get to hide in a little corner doing maintenance.
My new shift sucks.
I am responsible for the behavior of grown men with adolescent minds, trapped in a military compound.
The are no added benefits. i.e. First in line, room of my own.
My free time is a privilege and interrupted or taken away without question. This is not new but, it is now there are a whole new slew of reasons to wake me, keep me late or bring me in on my day off.
It becomes impossible to even have the illusion of friends. There are no confidants for me.
The spotlight moves onto me, not something you want when you just wanted to put your head down and muscle through.
I am expected to do a lot more QA work. Not exactly what you want from a guy without much experience.
Good:
The unspoken perks.
Added respect.
Looks good on a resume.
When someone is not doing there job, they have to listen to me.
I don't have to do the piddly maintenance tasks that I hate. i.e. Lube the gear, inspect the interior.

Well, I should really go. I have gone on a while about things you all probably don't care that much but, right now it consumes my world.
Please note that my internet is down so I have to rely on work for that. Which means I am not readily available for email correspondence and loading video.
Until the next time,
Hope to see you all on the third full moon from now,
Cliff

More than just an Honorable Mention

2007-08-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

I need to take a moment to tell you all about someone. A while back I met someone who has forever changed my life. I don't rightly know how or why I was allowed into her world, that story is far to complicated to relay in this forum. What I do know is that ever since that fateful day she walked into the liquor store where I was working, Erin has continued to improve my life in ways I never knew possible.
It was five years ago today (that's tomorrow for most of you) that many of you gathered together with us. But that was not the beginning. I remember the first day I saw her as she moved so confidently around that store, familiarizing herself with her new job. I think the reason I fell in love with her that day was the same reason so many people love her so; it is the aura of confidence she displays while she disarms you with her innocence. As she walked out the door that day I turned to my friend and said, "That is a girl I could marry!" Maybe not quite the "I'm going to marry that girl!" ultimatum so often rumored, but at that point there were still some serious road blocks in my way, the biggest being myself.
From that day on I pursued her as if nothing else in life mattered, and it seems now that nothing else really does. Until recently, of course, that was true. Now, she has given even more meaning to my life, our little Rosemary.
When I look at myself, I see my days on earth split into two categories: those before Erin and those after. Before she came around I was lost in the sea of myself. I look back on those days as void of the meaning that now fills my every moment. And now, in the days after, I feel her strength moving me forward, improving me, everyday. Even from this distance, it is Erin that brings me through all of this mess that is before me. It would be impossible for me here, if she were not the pillar I so depend on.
And so it is today that I tell you about the love of my life, who has sacrificed so much for me without ever asking for anything in return, the one I miss: Erin Kay Hagen Paulson.
I love you, Honey. Thank you for the best years of my life. I'll be home just as soon as I can.
Happy Anniversary,
Cliff

Quickly

2007-08-28T07:33:00.000-07:00

I have to write quickly as I am on my way to work. I thought I was busy before but things have gone wonko! In short, the entire fleet of our airplanes was grounded due to cracks found on the frame work surrounding a newly installed antenna. This has made work a new challenge and put everyone on edge. Secondly, I have been promoted to lead mechanic. It doesn't make a lot of sense and I don't have time to even try, so I will leave that for later. What it does is increase my work load, change my shift to third and make my day off not so much off. So until there is time to say more I bid you farewell and I will see you all soon,
Cliff

A tour of my temporary home

2007-08-19T12:44:00.000-07:00

Hi there, I put a video together so you could get a little taste of what this place is like. Just click on the link below to go to my google album, then click on the blue picture to the right to watch it. I can do more of this but it takes time to put together. Let me know what you think,
Cliff
http://picasaweb.google.com/Clifford.Paulson/LSATour

Mea culpa

2007-08-17T04:43:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a while. Sorry about that. I have been a little discouraged lately and I just hate to get on here and tell you about awful I feel, so I tend to skip it instead. But, last night as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep I thought of when I can come home and here is a little snip-it of my logic:
I have been here a month and a half, and I will go home for a visit around Thanksgiving time. That is about four and a half months into my stay. I will get back here in the early part of December. Then my next trip will be just three months, maybe three and a half, away. That puts me back here again in late March and from there it is just a hop skip and a jump to June my last month here. So, if I can make another three weeks, I'll be half way to home. Once back here again it will be two easy three month jogs to get back to reality.
That's what I've got to keep me sane, and I'm sticking to it. I have to go right now but I'll be back soon. I don't see a lot of comments so it doesn't feel like people are reading this, but in my letters I always hear about how so-and-so likes to keep up and cousins and distant family so I will try harder to keep it up and upbeat. But, it sure would be nice to see some comments. Not to mention letters. I know I owe some of you letters out there and I am working on that, if you send one you will get one. I think of you all often and look forward to seeing you soon,
Cliff

Here's a funny joke for you

2007-07-29T15:17:00.001-07:00

If you ever find yourself in a foreign environment where nothing seems exactly right and you miss mostly everything, here is a joke for you:
Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? You don't have to cry about it. End of discussion.
Let me tell you, it may be the funniest joke you have ever heard in that circumstance. It is certainly in my top two. (Some of you may know the other but I can't tell you if you don't, so don't ask.)
I recently received this joke in a box of cookies from Grandma Sharon. The cookies were awesome but I will never forget that joke as long as I live. It made me laugh until tears welled in my eyes, and then again repeatedly through the day as I insisted anyone who eat a cookie read the joke. It can't be told again with the same effectiveness that Abby delivered it to me, but try it sometime when things get a little strange and uncomfortable, it's really funny and strangely fitting. Thank you Abby, you have brightened my world!
In this strange world: the heat is getting unbearable. 120 degrees F is what the thermometer reads but that does not tell the whole story. Apparently the world record is 136 F. Someone measured the surface of the aircraft at 150 F. You literally cannot touch the aircraft, even items in the shade can come close to untouchable. You need a pair of gloves to do anything in the sun. The aircraft air conditioning systems are failing all of the time; it is our number one maintenance issue. Our crew is among the few that actually work during the day, everyone else quits precisely when my shift begins. After spend just a few hours in the heat and sun my body becomes drained of all ambition and free energy. Everything is concentrated on the next task at hand, a very inefficient way to work. It is hell on morale. It will only get hotter for the next month, then I am hoping, it will slowly cool.
In a very strange event, it actually rained. No monsoon, but it did rain. No one cared to move out of the rain or close any doors or windows, it was here and gone. There was enough to wet the pavement in little polka dots, and then it dried up and the sun returned to its scorching heat. It was quite beautiful, while it lasted.
Well, it is time for bed, goodnight all. Soon, I'll talk a little about food. Doesn't that sound exciting? 'Till then,
Love you all and see you soon.
Cliff

A new BIKE!

2007-07-23T13:51:00.000-07:00

Alright, I am in a better mood today. I am tired though so I won't keep you long. I bought a bike yesterday and had opportunity to ride it today. It was great! I rode it on the flight line and it worked swell. It is a real piece o' pooh, but it does what I need it to do. It's a Huffy, ooooh! It has dual suspension, so the ride is really smooth, even on the rough terrain around here. The shifting is not so great, but it only cost me $80, not bad. It had three advantages: I don't ride around everywhere, allowing for more exercise, it gives me more freedom to go where I want when I want, and it is fun to ride at work, making my day go by a lot better. The only thing I would like is a back rack and a bottle holder. I am not sure either would fit but I can rig something up, I'm sure. I am confident I look like a big dork out there but, hey, this place is not a cool contest, not that I could ever win one anywhere. But I do think people around here are starting to detect that I read a little high on the Dork-o-Meter. I got more than a few comments on my garden yesterday. I planted some seeds in one of the "Hescos" (protective barriers filled with dirt) yesterday and got a lot of people shaking their heads in my general direction.
Anyway, I promised to make this short and I have already ranted for some time. Just a note for anyone sending a letter or package: Thanks and send along some photos. Photos of anything really, just tell me what it is of so I know when I see it. I have a lot of blank space around that I would like to fill with pictures of you and your favorite things to help me remember nicer places. Thanks again and I'll see you soon,
Cliff

Sorry, no real content.

2007-07-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I am running out of things to write about. Life is slipping into the mundane. My day starts seeming like it will be so long before it ends, then it goes on. Time passes and lunch (8:00pm meal) comes then just a hop skip and a jump to quitting time. The next day begins and it still seems like forever to the end of the week, but then this too passes. Yadda, yadda, yadda, here I am again at Sunday. Three weeks down and forty nine to go. Like I said before, time isn't moving fast it just goes unremembered for anything significant. Maybe I will make an entry tomorrow, this is going nowhere. I'll talk to you soon,
Cliff

More photos

2007-07-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

Here are some photos of my work place. What you can't see is the unreal heat and the coating of fine sand.

Photos from GA

2007-07-15T03:43:00.001-07:00

Hi again,
I finally have the opportunity to share some photos. Here are some photos of Gary and Te's place in Georgia. Thanks again, Gary, Te and Dufuss!

Ahhh, time to relax

2007-07-15T02:09:00.000-07:00

Again, Sunday, my day off. Things are looking up here. I have internet in my room. It is a huge relief. Before, I was only able to check email and surf on my day off, unless I was willing to skip one of my two meals or shrink my sleep schedule by an hour. Getting anywhere is a major chore. The base is pretty spread out and I am limited to the three company vehicles which are shared by the 15, or so, current employees here. That number is expected to grow soon. Anyway, that is alleviated for me now that I can communicate from my little hovel in the sand.
So, what would you like to hear about today: work, food, people? Well, let's talk a little about work. It is hampered, as is everything, by the heat. And, like an idiot, I volunteered for the hottest shift, 13:00 to 24:00. I did so because I knew of the guy who is the lead and he comes recommended, and I had no idea about anything else really. As it turns out, he is a great guy to work for so that worked out well. But the night shift really has it a lot better. It is so comfortable after 8 pm (not sure how much to fill you all with the jargon that we live in, so I apologize if I get carried away with the acronyms and the military time). Last night I was cool walking to and from the shower at midnight or so. I am not saying it was cool, just that compared to 120, 85-90 feels so good.
Back to work, I am doing a lot of the same stuff I did at home. But, with 8 aircraft instead of 3, the workload is a bit heavier. I worked "the line" for the first time the other day. Which basically means you stand in the sun all day fueling aircraft, changing light bulbs, doing daily inspections, and stand around while turbine engines spool up and idle on the ramp before takeoff. A pretty grueling day all in all. And it gets quite confusing with who is coming and who is going and who is broke and who needs the 327 light bulb and who needs the 22 light bulb. Are you getting the picture? Monotonous work in intense heat.
Other days, are good if you can get a nice big project to concentrate on. You move an aircraft out of the sun and wrench away. Before you know it you day is half gone, and if your lucky, you can be proud of a job well done. The tough days are ones where you have neither of the previous jobs and you have to struggle to find piddly things to do all day. That is when time crawls.
The good news is, Sunday crept up on me out of nowhere. The idea that time goes fast or slow doesn't mean much to me. But the memory of it does have speed. I was told by someone who had done this sort of thing before I left that it is like you just lose a year. I can see it happening already. I hate to think of that, because time is so precious, I am trying to find ways to increase the value of my time, personally. But, either way I will be home soon.
Thanks to everyone who responded to my ridiculous rants here. It is great to have so many comments, they each mean so much. The voices from home keep my perspective from closing in on this place. To Michelle, I think of you often, here. Your experience helps me keep mine in perspective, thanks.
Today as I said is Sunday, and there is no mail. The guy who went to pick up mail yesterday had just gotten back from leave and didn't know me, so I missed two packages that were waiting for me. But I will be there for mail call tomorrow, believe me. As far as things you can send, I don't need silly string or baby wipes. My needs are all taken care of here. Music and movies and entertainment stuff are cool. Anything is great, we will see if cookies and suck work with the heat. You didn't hear this from me but I hear they don't check our mail too close for contraband, but I am not sure beer travels that well, anyway.
Well, I have clearly gone on too long, sorry. I miss you all incredibly. Pictures of you pop into my head from time to time and make me smile into the dusty sky. I look forward to seeing you all soon,
Clifford

Working, finally (sorry this is a bit jumbled, so much to say)

2007-07-08T05:13:00.000-07:00

I have to apologize for taking so long to update you all, but time is short now. Currently I am working, finally, and that takes such a large portion of my time that it leaves little room for correspondence. We are working 10 hour days plus an hour for lunch and an hour for breakfast, half an hour for commuting, and the same to clean the days dust from my body sounds like it leaves 11 hours of down time but it just doesn't happen that way. We live quite a ways from any communication area, and I am still relying on the government systems for all of my communication. I am told that within a week we should have our internet connected to our rooms which will be awesome. Until then I am limited to half hour slots on a laptop in a KBR run facility for the soldiers and us.
Everything here is crazy so it's hard to know where to begin describing it. I'll start with the weather. It usually gets close to 120 F during the day and maybe down to 90 F at night, maybe a bit cooler. Dust is everywhere. Yesterday, there was no flying because of the dust cloud that surrounded us. You can still see the sun but in the morning it rises through the cloud as a yellow orb until about 9 when it turns into a blistering hot that you do everything to avoid. I have had a headache everyday I have been here. I am not sure if it is the heat, sun, hydration related, or that I gave up coffee out of inconvenience. I drink a lot of water. KBR runs a water plant and everywhere you go there are pallets of water and refrigerators full of it. I was allowed to pick my shift and I chose a mid shift, from 1300 to midnight. I though I would get away from the heat for part of the day and not mess up my clock completely. The heat is inescapable, though. The dust covers everything outside and most everything inside. It dries out my nose and will make me cough on the bad days. I keep on asking, "Who lives in this place?" To which my roommate, Mike, answers, "You do." I cannot believe that people would choose to live in an environment so hostile.
Well, I should get back to see if anyone wants to grab dinner. Today is my day off and I commandeered one of the company vehicles to chat with you all. I hope you are all well and I look forward to seeing you soon,
Cliff

But its's too hot to (insert any activity)

2007-07-02T02:16:00.000-07:00

When we got to Kuwait around 10 pm yesterday it was 110 F. I have no idea what it is now but oh my god! When we were landing last night the moon was on the horizon and it was veiled in clouds. I thought to myself, "That's funny, I didn't think there were any clouds here." In the morning I realized it was the cloud of dust that is perpetually suspended around here. This is one nasty place.
The flight was a total SNAFU. We were sent to the airport when they knew it was delayed. The delay turned into about 12 hours when they shipped us back to the CRC site and we got 5 hours of sleep and up to do it all again. They again delayed the flight about 10 hours. We left Georgia around 7 pm Saturday. I forget if I mentioned that we volunteered for baggage duty. The idea was that if you schlepp the bags you could sit in first class with the ranking officers. Well, busted our buts in some nasty heat. First setting out the bags, then onto the truck, then onto the aircraft. It was hard work because of the intense heat and humidity. Then it turns out there was no firs or business class on the plane. It was worth it however, as it kept me busy and the workout helped me sleep on the airplane, which is hard for me. As a special treat they let us unload the bags onto the trucks in Kuwait and then off of the trucks at the base, yeah. We did get to have an open seat between us on the aircraft, which was nice but not what I was hoping for.
We are sleeping (all 3 hours of it) in tents for about 16 people. I am not sure how many of them there are here but it is at least 100. This base is used as a depot for troops coming out and going into Iraq and I believe even Afghanistan. Everything is tents. The facilities are nice enough but that doesn't translate to comfort. We are waiting on transport to our destination, COB Speicher. Our first shot is on an airplane leaving this evening. We are given seats based on a priority system that I don't understand. We tried to get our aircraft to comedown and give us a lift but have been unsuccessful in contacting anyone. So for now, we wait.
When I say we I mean the guys from Dyncorp who went through the CRC process with me. There are 5 of us going to Speicher and there were 2 who went on to Balad, the other mission in country. The Balad mission has the unmodified C12s that I work on at home. Many of the pilots that I work with at home have rotated through on that mission.
It is 4:30 am at home, that's -8 hours from here. My time is limited until I can find the flight status, after that I will either be on the run or sitting for another 24 hours. So I may have time the or not for a few days.
Until then,
See you all soon,
Cliff

Take a deep breath.

2007-06-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

Today is "Poop in a Group" day. Take all of the pieces of paper and gear that you have collected and stuff into as tiny a space as you can. Then, you guessed it, sit and wait. I asked when our flight was leaving and the First Sargent said, "I can't tell you that." Ooooh! So tomorrow, or Saturday or even Sunday we will fly to somewhere and fly from there to Kuwait. Great info, huh? Or should I say, hooah? That is what is used in these parts for, huh; the response to which is, hooah. Don't forget the hooah.
Yesterday was a long day filled with the only actual helpful information. We did first aid and IED recognition. Reminds you in a not so gentle way you are heading into a war zone. But no worries for the Cliffster, y'all. I am heading to a secure spot and not allowed to go anywhere else.
It turns out I can read your response as they are forwarded to my email so keep 'em coming.
Well, I am off to do some laundry and see if there isn't a line I can stand in.
See you soon,
Cliff

Sorry...

2007-06-26T18:13:00.000-07:00

Well, the government is playing tricks on you. For some reason or another their is an issue with blogs and the government system. So I have made 3 previous posts today and I believed they did not actually post; they did not show up on my government computer. So I kept posting them trying to get through. Well it turns out I just can't see them on my end. So unfortunately I will also not be able to read your comments. Please do not stop posting them, I will love to read them when I can. Until then, this will be a one sided, or at least a two isolated sided, conversation. Thanks and we will see you soon,
Cliff

CRC

2007-06-26T15:04:00.001-07:00

First out I need to send a huge THANK YOU to Uncle Gary and Aunt Te. I was having a very difficult time adjusting to the unknown and they opened their home to me. Their hospitality was gracious and so welcome. I can't say enough how much I appreciate their help in a time of need. And, also thank to Duffus (sp?), who is vying for the goodest good dog, for his companionship and spirit.
Now, CRC, or CONUS (continental US) Replacement Center, what can anyone say? This place puts a very fine point on why we need contractors in the military. In the last 4 days I have completed about 5 hours of work, and stood in lines or waited to stand in line for about 40 hours. The frustration gets to me around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, when I hits some ridiculous, unforeseeable road-block. Then I get a MRE (meal ready to eat) for lunch while someone holds my space in line, until I get released around 7:30. A saving grace at this point is the shopette, where I can get a six-pack before I rush off to eat a couple bites of institutional food at the mess hall. Clearly this is the SOP (standard operating procedure) around here, because none of the people in control seem phased by the SNAFU (figure it out on your own).
I think we will leave here Friday, Saturday or Sunday (very precise, I know) for Kuwait. It sounds like a nasty flight but I really am looking forward to getting out of here, as my 365 day clock won't start until I get over and this place is not pleasant.
My internet access is bad, I get one half hour when I can get on one of the 10 computers for the 500 people here. It doesn't look much better overseas either, but that is just conjecture at this point. I am sorry if I can't get to any messages very fast but please don't let that stop you from sending them as they mean a lot to me. I will try to get to all of them ASAP.
I miss you all greatly, already. I'll see you soon, and talk to you sooner,
Cliff

CRC

2007-06-26T14:42:00.000-07:00

CRC

2007-06-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

First of all a huge thank you! to Uncle Gary and Aunt Te. It's no secret that this is not easy for me and Gary and Te have been so kind, it has really been like a home away from home. They have a beautiful home in the country and a great dog, Duffus (sp?), that made a world of difference in my mental well being. I will forever be grateful.
On the other hand, there is Fort Benning, hmph! Talk about frustration. I arrived on Saturday around 3pm. Since then I have completed about 3 hours worth of work and I have been in line from about 8 am (Sunday and Monday) until 7 or 8 pm each day. The only saving grace has been the little shop that will sell you a six pack before 9 pm. The Army inefficiency has clearly demonstrated why there is a need for contract workers.
The quantity of time it takes to get even the expected hurdles leaped means I have to go now to get some ducks in a row just to prevent the possibility of a problem.
So everyone knows, communication is going to be a problem. Internet here is 10 computer for 500 people and overseas sounds questionable, at best. Phone is pay phones. Sorry, but it is what I have.

See you when I can,
Cliff

Tension mounts...

2007-06-18T17:24:00.000-07:00

The hour draweth near. I have this feeling in my belly that won't go away and I wake up each morning as if entering a dream and it ain't pleasant. I am now just wanting this waiting to be done. I dread my departure on Friday but it will at least get this awful show on the road.
I don't need to arrive at Fort Benning until Saturday but there are no flights available then so I have to leave on Friday, blughck! I have no contact and no information on what to do just a letter from the government (I opened and read it, it said they was sucka's!) that says I belong their. I feel like I am entering the Twilight Zone. I will basically be anonymous and unassisted until I arrive at my place of work, in Iraq.
My internet access is still an unknown. I will have access to the Army computers and internet, but it is only available in their area and it is highly regulated. I may only have airport access until I get their, I just don't know.
That's all for now.

So here is the story

2007-06-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

I am reporting to Fort Benning, GA on the 23rd of June. They will give me the once over, spit on me a few times to make sure I can take it, tell me not to have sex with anyone, and give me some useless gear. Then I head out in a week or so to Qatar and on to COB(Contingency Operating Base) Speicher located near Tikrit, Iraq. I found a description of the base and its history, it is a bit dated but will give you some idea of what's in store for the Cliffster. http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/world/iraq/al-sahra.htm
I'll work a lot, I think. Maybe ten or twelve hour days six days a week. I like to think of it as McDonald's summer camp in the middle of the desert with automatic weapons. They try to make these places as comfortable as possible to keep morale up and provide for the guys who are really putting "it" on the line.
Other than that, I know nothing. But when I find out, all of the boring details will be spelled out here. See you then.

Thus begins the blog

2007-05-31T20:13:00.000-07:00

Hi there! We'll see if I can actually do this. I would like to use this space to keep you all up to date on what's going on in my head, to what extent that is possible, and in my life. For now this is all. Please feel free to comment away.