The Goodest Gooddog

We said goodbye to a dear friend of our family today. The Spaz was put down this morning. He was still a happy dog, constantly wagging his tail when you came near him (thump, thump, thump), but he rarely left his pillow anymore and had a hard time hold his bowls. It was very sad for us to see him go. Watching him slip away on the Vet's floor was very difficult but necessary.
My favorite memory of Spazzy will always be watching his head in the water, following the canoe on Loveless Lake (his lake). A small wake would reflect the moonlight as he chased us to the other side. We would be forced to turn the canoe around to guide him home or wait for him at the cabin let him inside, all wet and smelly.
Spaz will live on with us as one of the greatest dogs of all time. The legends of Sissy and Spaz now compete for the true title of "The Goodest Gooddog."
I miss you already, friend.
p.s. I put up some of my favorite photos of the Spaz on my photo page. Check out the My Picasa photos link to view them.

Terra Firma

I am finally home again. I am not settled by any account and the jet lag has Erin and I both beat senseless. But the sound of the leaves blowing in the wind and a certain demanding two year old have all wounds on the mend. We had a great time in Japan thanks to our great friend Satoko Yamaguchi and her generous boyfriend Laurent. We will soon be putting up some pictures of our trip and filling you in on some of the more gruesome (and some of them are gruesome) details.
In the meantime thanks for all the support, it feels great to be home. I hope to get to see everyone as soon as possible. There is a lot planned for the summer but always time for more fun. If you want to call or email for a chance to say hi or to set up some beer drinking fun, please do.
Thanks again to everyone for everything,
Cliff

I am just not sure yet

I have been warned by my good friend against public blood letting on the internet, so I will do the best I can to refrain from direct criticism of anyone or any organization here. However, I must admit I feel a bit slighted in this whole deal. There is a lot of talk in war about honor and duty, but those concepts are hard to find in anything other than individuals and their personal actions. These soldiers here are doing incredible things and making sacrifices that I cannot begin to understand. We surround these men and women with organizations and individuals who are driven only by dollar signs yet use patriotism and honor as tools to insulate and enhance their power. I have been an integral part of this system and contributed willingly to propagating it; for that I am ashamed. I am still far too close to these events to draw useful information from it. I will, in the coming months, try to draw out the lessons I have learned here and use them in a positive way.
I compare myself to Bob Cratchet some days. It is a bit of a stretch, I know, but short of the honor Dickens attributed to his character, I feel we have our parallels. Particularly, I think about Christmas dinner at the Cratchet house, when Bob offers a toast to Mr. Scrooge. There are two forces at play here, and we need to be careful about being overly judgmental about either. On one side there is the force of money and how that is by definition not "free." We are not entitled to any job or the benefits that come with that job. We need to be thankful that someone is willing to pay us for our time and effort; we need to realize that we have agreed to do this and that agreement does not entitle us but rather obligates us. The other side of that force is control and abuse of power. It is why so many cultures denounce the existence of slavery and prostitution; these are abuses of money and power that go beyond what is humane. Now I am not claiming to have been treated inhumanely but, I do feel a bit like I have prostituted myself. I am not sure if I have violated my own morale compass or not. If I have, then I sold it pretty cheaply.
Moving on from this world I look forward to change. I have heard on occasion and often thought of using your morales to find a career. I have to do some soul searching now to find out what my skills and limitations are and then to seek out a new career where I can feel as if I am positively contributing to society, instead of contributing to its downward spiral. Mostly, I look forward to my girls; seeing them both in the morning and before we all go to bed. I want to show Rosie that we can make choices in our life that benefit us all. And, in doing so we do not sacrifice but rather enhance ourselves.
I hope to spend some time in future posts talking about this war and the lessons I have learned. This is the end now of the roller coaster year but I plan to try to contribute to this blog and transform it into a personal homefront log. I appreciate all of you and your comments, they have been helpful through out the year. I now have a reader base and invite you all to keep reading to learn of new happenings with Rosie, Erin and myself. This will not be exciting, I am sure, but neither has this last year, really. I will probably rant about some of the politics of the last year so if you are interested in that keep on reading. You know what you are in for. I would also like to encourage you all to start your own blogs so we can banter back and forth and share our ideas and lives. I would also like to encourage my fearless brother Archie to re-start his blog, so I can continue to be inspired and captivated by his ideas, please?
So for now, good-bye and I will hopefully see you all soon,
Cliff

Ugh

I am in Kuwait again. I guess this is good news. But I am worn out and a bit beaten up, mentally. I will fill you all in later but this is just a quick note to let you all know that I will only ever see Iraq again from thousands of feet in the air. I hope to leave here on the 25th to go back to CRC in Georgia then on to Tokyo from there. It is a different plan than I had hoped for but the end result is the same. I will fill in the details later.
Yeah!
Cliff

Mother's Day salute

All of a sudden I have four extraordinary mothers in my life. I have no idea how I have become this fortunate, but I cannot let this day pass without commending them.
First, of course, is the person I know as Mom. I owe everything to you, Mom. There is not a day that has gone by in my life that I am not reminded in some small way or another how influential you are in my life. Whether it be the cookies I get on a nearly weekly basis, or the way I interact with the people around me or how how I approach the challenges of daily life, I see your signature on the some of the best of my qualities. Thank you, Mom, I love you.
I cannot properly express how wonderful a mother Erin is. She does not accept the praise I give her. I have left her alone to care for Rosemary; I come home to find Rose is every bit of what I hoped she would be. I do not know how to tell you how much I appreciate you as a mother to my daughter. Thank you.
These qualities Erin possesses, are due, of course, to her role model. Lynda, you have raised Erin to be such a wonderful person, I thank you for that. I will never forget the promise I made to you on my wedding day. I also owe you the thanks of a grateful son-in-law; you have accepted me into your family without condition. The more I look around, the more I see that this is not a common thing and for that I am eternally grateful.
Last but certainly not least is you, Brenda. My heart breaks to think of how you have enriched my world. I cannot find the words of gratitude I feel for you. Thank you for being everything I am not.
Happy Mother's Day to everyone!
Cliff

One more time

Hello again,
I am back in Kuwait. I had a great vacation. I was amazed to find Rosie such a different person than the baby I left even at Thanksgiving. She is constantly talking and singing. She seems to be always happy and never seriously upset, though she is definitely a two year old. Now, let me take this opportunity to say two things: I have the benefit of being a novelty to Rosie so she spends a lot of time trying to charm me (almost like she is courting me, and to my shame I allow it and return the favor with ice cream and chocolate milk like a grandparent spoils a grandchild), secondly Rosemary's charm is truely due to the hard work and parenting skills of her mother and care taker. I am certain that Erin has some disagreement with me here because she gets all of the difficult stuff, but this is what I see. Anyway, we had a great time in Mexico and Rosie and I played away our days at home. We even got a chance to go sledding and to build a snowman (I know there are some out there that believe that storm was my fault, not so).
Kuwait will prove to be a real obsticle this time. There were quite a few sandstorms just before I arrived and that has backed up traffic quite a bit. Erin and I have already started planning our next adventure: Japan. I will have less than two months to go when I finally get in country, WOO-HOO! I have a much lower stress level than my previos visits here and am looking forward to saying goodbye to this place forever.
Well, my computer time is just about up here, so until I get to Iraq, take care and I'll will see you all soon,
Cliff

American Airlines sucks!

Yep, you guessed it, I am stranded. They managed to lull me into thinking that the flights would be fine. No one once indicated that they could cancel at the last minute, but that is exactly what they did. I was one 45 minute flight from home and I missed the opportunity to go. They said it all looked great so I hopped on board a plane full of irritated passengers and dead-heading flight crews to Dallas from Chicago. When I got to Dallas the big board said "on time" for my flight to Mexico. When I got the gate the sign said delayed half an hour (this is half an hour before take off). I walked away to grab a beer (oh, wonderful beer!) and when I turned around the sign was blank and there was a huge line at the gate. Oh s---t! Check the big board, "canceled." They couldn't tell me that before I got on that airplane. So I stand in line for about an hour with some very irritated people. Apparently, they had all been through this at least once before. They don't say anything, they don't tell you what they think might happen or help you plan ahead even when you give them every opprotunity to help; nope, they just drop the bomb. They don't give the agents any information, either. They just book you on the next flight and say, "Good luck!" Well, I planned some buffer time just for an event like this, I guess. Erin and fam will not be there until Saturday (it is now Friday) and they have me booked out today. We shall see.
I really screwed up this whole plan, I should have just gone home and flown with the family; I have been kicking myself since I boarded that flight in Chicago. I knew it right away. I sat down next to this really nice couple with a a little girl, Abby, who was just a darling and I instantly thought, "Cliff, you are an idiot!" I never should have tried to go any where without my family. I should have gone home first and then it wouldn't matter where we are, at least we are together. So now, I sit in this very nice hotel room with a big bed and my own bathroom and a bar downstairs and cable TV and I can't help but think to myself that it is no better than that tin shack back in the desert. I know I piss and moan about how nasty that place is, but the real matter is what isn't outside the door. You could plop this hotel right over that rat hole I live in and it would be only a marginal improvement. I miss my wife, it's that simple.
Don't fly American Airlines,
Cliff